Lula’s fingers gently traced his golden markings. She remembered when she first found a very small one, she had a slight worry. He seemed to be healthy and fine, so it may be purely cosmetic.
Bafforr was snoring on her massive pet bed by the dying fireplace. Lula admired his patience. He hasn’t pressed her for details or answers and it helped her trust him quickly.
“Thank you for waitin’,” Lulaire started as her tracing stopped as she brought her hand back to slip between her pillow and the head.
“It’s… What happened to Matie- There’s something you should know. It wasn’t just our conclave that was attacked thirteen years ago but the one on Ahch-To. I…” She frowned.
“The way I found my sister and the others, it was… almost just pure hatred. Rage. But the ones on Ahch-To? It was a slaughter. As if he was a panicked wild creature in a frenzy.” Her voice started to break as she slowly exhaled through her nose. She was letting herself go through the emotions. It wouldn’t do her any good to keep it bottle up.
“The way I found them… I.. I managed to pick up the pieces and made sure they were whole before they were cremated.” Lula stopped talking while wiping her tears. She realized she was conflicted whether to tell Thane or not who had killed Matie and others.
Those Padawans… had she failed them by not fighting the one that killed them?
“Maybe I should’ve fought him,” she whispered.
Anderson had revealed to her that the boy she had been searching was alive and happy. She didn’t see any benefit for Anderson to lie about it. If he thought it would dissuade her from keeping her promise, it wouldn’t.
“Thane, it was Anderson.”
The male Firrerreon’s pale finger froze mid motion, having been pushing a lock of red-orange hair behind Lulaire’s ear. Instead, it fell away just as his gaze hardened and his black-gold eyes locked onto hers.
“The…Combat Master?” Thane asked, obviously rhetorical. As if he had been pulling through a mental catalogue and confirming it to himself.
Several tense moments passed before he let out a lengthy breath that seemed to relax his entire body. This wasn’t his mission. Not his revenge. His only goal in this moment was being what Lulaire needed him to be. A steadfast presence. A place she could come back to or lean upon no matter her decisions, or those of others.
“Maybe,” he whispered, picking up on what she had just been saying. “But that is not your way, [Sunrise].”
Her strength was different from his. It was a power of belief and a sense of self he had never had.
The Jedi gave him a small nod to confirm that it was the one he was thinking of. She watched him, mentally preparing to remind him that it was her mission.
Lula couldn’t help it as her lips curved into a small smile. She let out a slow exhale, her muscles relaxing as well.
A soft hum escaped from her while she was lost in her thoughts.
“It’s not,” she agreed, grateful for Thane to help her remind her of her faith.
“I did… make a promise and he knows. If he attacks another Jedi conclave, then I have no choice but to fight him. It can’t continue.” Lula paused for a moment, “well… I can’t allow it to continue.”
“Promises must be kept,” he replied with a nod. After a moment, his gaze shifted towards the windows and beyond. “As best we can.”
Thane sighed, then clicked his tongue before turning back to Lulaire. “This is your challenge to face. I am here, when and if needed.”
“Sometimes the best is all a person can offer.” She became quiet, studying his features like she always did.
She warmly smiled, her fangs revealing, “and the same to you, Moonlight.”
Her gaze broke for a moment and her smile faded. She was always honest around him and she had a small nagging feeling in the back of her head to bring up what had been bothering her and why someone like her, joined the Brotherhood. Despite how chronically offline she was and still is.
“There’s something else. I don’t think Anders will attack another Jedi conclave… at least I hope not. No. I have actual anger towards the Collective and… people who experiment.” she bit her cheek for a moment. It wasn’t natural. Dark, Light, emotions, they were all part of life and the nature of it. She understood that.
Experiments? It made her sick to her stomach.
“It’s why I’m not sure about my strength.” Her eyes went back to his.
“I don’t know what I would do if I ever met the ones that did such harm to you…” Her hand rested on his pale silver arm before she slid up and rested her hand on his cheek.
“Probably say something pointed and on brand,” Thane remarked.
He studied her for a long while, comfortable with silence. “There are many kinds of experimenting. My own research has pushed boundaries…but never unwilling ones.”
He was hesitant to broach the subject, but they were balanced together. Neither crossing lines they drew in the metaphorical sand of their own morals. She would understand his intent.
Lula chuckled and playfully rolled her eyes at Thane before they basked in the small silence.
Her eyes went back and forth, watching his carefully before she glanced away for a moment. Her hand slid from his cheek down to his chest and now resting there. She knew good does come from research. Such as medical advances, environmental progress; by the Force, the things that’s used on her farm were items or information that wasn’t going to be possible without experimentation.
She couldn’t help but be curious.
“What kind of research?”
Sometimes, some curiosities weren’t meant to be stated.
A long sigh released through flared nostrils as Thane ordered his thoughts.
“I cast a wide net. At first, in a place of pain, I wanted to cure the Force itself,” he offered her a weary smile, or at least the best he could manage, and let that hang in the air before continuing. “Then, I turned to mastery over life and death. To prolong my own, or to ensure those I cared for most would never be lost to me. I did not…trust in others to carry on the legacy I felt in charge of.”
Cure the Force… This startled her. Had her upbringing made her so blind to everything? Some called her naive due to her decisions and that was okay.
However, his words hit her different. She was quiet, deep in thought as her emotions shifted.
Bafforr snorted which had Lula grin for a moment before it faded.
“It’s weird,” Lula paused for a moment before rolling to her back. Her hand went to her necklace as she started to fidget with it. A nervous habit of hers.
“If we had this conversation before I met you… I’m not goin’ to lie. I would be confused to why someone findin’ a way to continue. Instead, of bein’ at peace or believin’ that they are at peace and one with the Force. Hmmm…” She trailed off. She still believed it, but the pain of the loss… it scared her in a way. Not like before.
This is an adjustment..
She moved around to lay on her belly, grabbed her pillow as she wrapped her arms around it. She turned her head to have her look into his golden eyes among the black sclera.
“I’m even more curious, what do you think now? I mean the decision of life and legacy.”
Thane sat up against the headboard, bringing one knee to his chest and extending the other leg. His fingers locked together around the knee and he pondered for a time.
“I encountered a philosophy I find myself drawn to: when does a man die?” A grin tugged at the edge of his impassive lips, only for him to tilt his head and turn towards Lulaire. “It is not when his body fails. When he no longer walks amongst us. It is when he is forgotten.”
A sigh, then more thoughts passed across his golden gaze. “I cannot guarantee my legacy. That is not how it works, no matter how I might once have hoped. I can plant the seeds. I can tend to the fields and guide the growth. But what it becomes? That is up to it. I can only set it up for success.”
He was aware of the many meanings that could be inferred.
Ah. Being forgotten. The Jedi gathered her thoughts. Her thumbs gently brush the texture of her pillowcase.
“Sometimes, I think the roots grow deeper than we all thought or believe. The teachings that was taught to me at the Jedi Conclave. Not all of us remembered who did the teachings, originally. It’s so old. Makes you wonder… are you really forgotten if the teachings continued? The man’s name isn’t remembered but his teachings carried on. Through children.” She grinned at Thane. It was refreshing to have someone discuss different views. She haven’t had that in so long.
“You do challenge me, you know?”
“And you, I,” Thane replied, sliding a hand around her head to the back of her neck and both pulling and leaning down to meet her halfway in a quiet kiss. He let the moment linger.
“You provide much needed balance.”
Silence was a comfortable blanket, but then Thane couldn’t resist making a comment.
“I am going to send so much paperwork to Anderson.”
Lula shifted her weight onto one of her arms. Her other hand went up to his face, her thumb caressing his cheek.
The midnight’s silence was broken by Lula’s laughter. Bafforr woke up with a whining yawn before she got up and stretched. She headed outside and went to sleep on the deck.
The Firrerreo’s laugh shifted into giggles between her words, “you can’t do that!”
Thane feigned offence.
“Why ever not? Is it not the point of being in charge to abuse it in creative ways?”
“Well, there’s an idea,” Lula grinned before she booped him on the nose with her finger and rested back to lying on her belly but her eyes still on him.
“It’s a good thing that you’re still cuter than a Vulptex.”
Thane’s eyes narrowed, allowing his playful side to sit on the forefront. “I challenge that. Vulptex are damned cute.”
“That they are,” she agreed before the corner of her lips tugged into a smirk. She then turned her head, now facing away from him.
“And it’s a challenge you’ll always lose,” her voice had the lighthearted tone to it.
“I’m the stubborn bantha in this case.”
“Unclear,” Thane remarked, sliding in behind her (engage operation: big spoon). “I fear a bantha is not nearly as stubborn.”
He pre-emptively prepped to dodge any incoming attacks in response, punctuated with a chuckle. “It is good to have support. To be grounded by someone.”
Lula retaliated with joyous soft squeals and maybe a squeak or two.
She couldn’t stop herself but to smile when he chuckled. Just that sound made her feel like everything was going to be okay, no matter what.
Her muscles loosen as she gently grabbed his hand that was resting on her and kissed the back of it. She then wiggled her way over to be on her back and able to look at Thane. She started tracing his golden lines on his face. Her hand moved to run through his hair as she leaned up for a soft kiss. She pulled away, only by a little, and looked into his eyes.
“I’ll do all I can. Moonlight, this is your home as long as you wish.”
Lula wedged the claw of the hammer underneath a broken board in the stall. She felt a nudge from the orbak pressed against her shoulder.
“Well, if ya didn’t have a problem with ya neighbor…” Lula muttered as a loud pop, and the broken board was pried free. She set the broken board aside and smiled as she felt a familiar presence. She turned to meet Thane who was now entering the stall but remaining by the door.
“Hello, Moonlight, won’t be much longer till I’m done for the day.” She placed four nails between her lips and held them in place. She pressed up the new board and started hammering. A baby orbak noticed Thane and got up from it’s corner. The legs were still wobbling as the neck extended as far as it could to sniff him. The fur was not quite as long as its mother, looking like a bird nest, save for it’s head. The head was a dark brown with tusks barely peeking at the sides of it’s mouth.
“The little one is the new addition to the family today,” Lula grinned, now hammering the last nail in. She grabbed the broken wooden piece and remained squatted, watching Thane and the baby orbak. The mother orbak nudge Lula’s arm again as she started to scratch her neck.
“Speakin’ of family… do you ever want to find out what happened to yours?” -# <@185936112441622529>
Thane was crouched, offering a tentative hand to the baby orbak and allowing it to engage on its own terms. At the same time, he considered the question.
“I did not,” he finally replied with a shake of his head and an unfocused gaze. “Was not a priority for so long that it fell off the list. Too long ago to find evidence. Though it still bothers me…”
The orbak took advantage of the distraction and Thane found himself with a shaky headbutt to the torso. His first reaction was to tense and withstand the impact, but he quickly decided not to bother, ending up on the ground with the creature in his lap (with a smug look of satisfaction).
Lula chuckled as the very pleased young orbak was content in Thane’s lap. After a few more scratches with the momma’s orbak, Lula sat down next to Thane and used the opportunity to scratch the baby orbak’s butt. The orbak was so pleased, he started to use his ‘teeth’ which is just gums at the moment, to ‘scratch’ Thane’s arm.
Lula wasn’t even sure how to help him seek answers. It had been a long time but…
“If you wish to go on the path to seek answers, I’m sure the Force will guide you. It guided me to…. Anderson. I can help you embark this journey, if you allow my company.”
The orbak’s ‘scratching’ had slowed down and its breaths had grown heavier and deeper. It’s ears twitched in sleep. The mother focused on the hay, with her glancing back to the two sometimes.
Silence again. Then a sigh.
“I do not believe it guides me as it does you,” Thane finally said. “I have held its chains for too long.”
“Then I’ll believe enough for the both of us.” Lulaire looked to the calf, wondering if she should push it off so they don’t have to feel stuck here.
But then again, Thane could easily done that if he wished to so she made no movement.
“You’re already family here. We might always be quick to open arms, but I reckon my family truly had brought you in.”
Her gentle thoughts pushed into his, to give him heads up that she was going to speak into his mind.
Firrerreo names were important and, to her family, very intimate. She could feel her heart racing. No one else knew her real name but her parents.
It was so exciting and yet, nerve wrecking. They kept each other grounded. Balanced. How did names have such a powerful hold?
‘I think I’ll call ya Cadeyrn.’
Thane stopped for a minute, letting it sink in.
He didn’t have much in the way of solid memories from his childhood, let alone a true name. That was…a big deal in their culture. He sat, staring blankly for several moments before turning his gaze towards her. There was a unease there that so rarely showed. Hope mixed with concern. A wariness that this, too, could be taken from him if he let it in.
“Only for you,” Thane intoned, setting the nesting orbak down with its mother before crossing to Lulaire. “I ask that you not hold on too tightly, for within your grasp lies all that I am. My hopes, dreams, and the potential to be more than all this. In that name, you have captured this. Do not break me.”
Lula’s hand rested on Thane’s chest, right over his heart when he had gotten close enough. Does he realize the power he also had over her? She could feel his heartbeat in her soul.
“You **are* more, Cadeyrn…*” Her soft drawl trailed off in his mind. Her hand sliding up from his chest to gently resting at the side of his face, her thumb caressing over his mild stubble cheek.
“If it takes me to the ends of the Galaxy for you to see it… I’ll gladly make that journey. Your hope… your dreams… they are not mine to grasp,” Her hand removed from his face as she held his callused hand and gently opened his fingers, and moved his palm over her heart.
“I believe we are bonded. It may have been by the winds… fate.. or the Force. My Moonlight, I am not here to break you. I’m here to help you see through the darkness.”
See through the darkness? Hm…he always thought it was so necessary. A thing of balance and contrasts. How could you know the light’s warmth without the biting chill of the dark?
At least with him being the dark, he could constrain its cruelties.
Maybe that could change too.
“Then consider the bond sealed.”
Lula stared at him for a moment and her cheeks grew warm.
Did they just-
She wrapped her arms around him and looked up at him. She had conflicting emotions, excited and nervous for the future ahead.
For a woman that was constantly focused on the present, she found it odd to be thinking of the future.
Her lips curved into a playful smile as she slightly tilted her head,
“C'mere.”
Lula stood in the kitchen as the water ran. Her hands were turning red from the constant washing. She winced and immediately turned the water off when her hands started to hurt. How long had she been doing this? Her silver palms were heated and sensitive to the touch.
Soft footsteps that did not belong to her fell silent. Lula looked over to the source of the noise only to meet with Thane’s golden eyes. She did not hear his arrival. How long was he standing there? Why didn’t Bafforr alert her he was home?
She whimpered softly when her mind thought of that. Her head turned to Bafforr’s usual resting spot. She was half expecting a loud chuffing sound from Bafforr as she would’ve glomped Thane when he entered.
No loud Narglatch vocal nosies or the running of her thick paws. No heavy thudding as her big body smacked everything that was in the way—no loud thumps of her tail against the floor when one of them moves around her to navigate through the room.
Just silence.
It wasn’t a nightmare.
“I’ve butchered animals. That’s part of my life, why-” She started to rub her hands aggressively, as if there was something on them that she couldn’t remove.
Lula whimpered and let out a few stuttering breaths, “her blood.”
She turned back to the sink and started washing her hands again. She couldn’t see clearly as her eyes were starting to burn and be filled with bitter tears.
“The Force. It left me,” her voice started to break, “I couldn’t heal her. I couldn’t reach out to anyone. I healed a stormtrooper. Not her. She- Thane, she looked at me. I-I-” She brought her arm up to wipe away her tears that started to spill. Her chest was getting tighter. She wanted nothing more than to push the emotions away. Make it non-existent. As unhealthy as that was.
“I need to grieve. I can do this. I can- This emotion is strong. I c-c-ouldn’t sa-ave her.”
She tried to speak but only ended up sobbing as she covered her face with her sore and wet hands.
But she still reached out to Thane’s mind or the Force even, a desperate message in Firrerreo:
||I don’t want the winds to take my Bafforr away.||
Thane settled close, pressing against Lulaire and wrapping his arms around her. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to.
The male Firrerreo offered his acceptance, whole heartedly and unreserved, and his warmth. His chin lay softly against the back of her head, turned to offer his cheek, and his fingers interlaced.
Loss was difficult. Even more so when you had the power to prevent it and it slipped through your fingers. No one could assuage Lulaire’s feelings. No one could diminish them either. It needed to run its course and she, most of all, should be allowed to feel them.
After what felt like a long time, Thane softly kissed the crown of her hair. “The winds took nothing. They simply carried on a life fulfilled. One made better by having you in it, and yours in turn. Bafforr is not gone. You feel her still, do you not? Here? And here?”
A finger pressed lightly against her chest. Then her temple.
An ugly voice at the back of his thoughts decried Thane’s hypocrisy. All those years spent trying to defeat death itself. And here he was calling it natural. Not a conclusion, but a step on a longer path. He ignored it.
Lula embraced and accepted Thane’s warmth, even when it made her cry harder. It helped her go through the emotions. Her arms rested around him. Even when she grown tired, her fingers tightly clung onto his robes.
After a while, silence fell into the household. Her sobs had reduced to soft and deep breathing. She felt Thane shift and placed his lips on her. She frowned for a moment before giving a small single nod.
She released a deep and shuddering sigh. She leaned forward for another hug and pressed the side of her face up against his chest. She could hear his heartbeat. It helped reminded her to keep herself grounded.
She noticed movement outside and then a familiar female approached their home. Her mother, Amaleigh. For some reason, Lula felt like a little girl again as she gently release from Thane’s warmth and went to hug her mom. There was no sobs as she already cried for some time earlier. Her mother returned the hug tightly.
“Bafforr is ready for the winds to guide her home,” her mother pulled away from the embrace and held Lula’s face between her worn and hard working hands, “we will be bringin’ food to yall for a bit,” She then placed a forehead kiss on Lula’s head.
Ama wanted to reach out and thank Thane for taking care of her little girl, but this wasn’t the time.
“Do you want dad and I to be there?”
Lula stared into her mom’s eyes before shaking her head. Worry lines formed over Ama’s wrinkled forehead but she nodded and squeezed Lula’s hand.
“A'right. Ya’ll let us know if ya need anything.”
One last squeeze before she walked out of sight.
Lula stood there with her arms crossed and stared out at the forest for a moment before glancing back to Thane.
She wasn’t sure how she was going to handle seeing a pyre and winced when she suddenly remember the Conclave. Thirteen years ago. All those bodies were burnt except her twin sister. She felt her throat tighten again.
Will you come with me?
For so long, Thane had been an observer. He had watched his own torment. Watched the sorrow of others. Seen the fall of so many hopefuls.
He didn’t have to watch Lulaire. He could support her. This was something he could directly influence.
Always, was his response.
And that answer wasn’t as simple as that. It held an echoing finality that fit into his core like a missing piece. The final stone locking into place. His choice. His path.
As they stood together, he reached out to Lulaire with the entirety of his being and accepted her into it. A tether…no, a connection. One unforced. Natural. Embraced.
He would ensure that he would face whatever she needed of him. And woe be any that stood against that flow.