Lillian told me you would be back in the system soon. Is there any chance you could stop by my apartment? Just for dinner, if that's alright. It's been a while since we last caught up. I've enclosed the location.
That was the message she had sent to Alexandyr five hours earlier, determined to at least get some time with the Human before he took off again to chase stars. Ever since she had left Estle, they had seen each other less and less. It felt like he was running from her. No longer could she randomly drop into his apartment the moment he came home. No longer could she seek him out whenever she wanted.
She almost regretted declining his offer to travel with his family on The Somber Respite.
But now Sivall was making big steps– making up with Ruka, taking care of herself, and… letting people into her safe space. The Chiss was not one to invite others into her living spaces, the only other person so far who had stepped foot in her apartment was Zuza and that was only because the Battleteam Leader was helping her move. If there was anyone else she would let into her little slice of peace and quiet, it was Alexandyr.
It didn’t stop the fact that she was terribly nervous. So much so that her hands were clammy.
So instead of sitting there and running over “what if"s in her head, she was busy preparing dinner. A Coruscant game fowl roast with some steamed vegetables as a side. She wasn’t sure if Alex drank alcohol, so besides having wine to pair with the meal she also had other non-alcoholic beverages. She had all her bases covered, she even had desert working away in the oven.
The sky-blue female closed said oven door and took a deep breath, trying to center herself. Her hands found their way to her simple gray sweater dress to smooth out wrinkles that did not exist. The medic had dressed casual but still nice, and had left her hair down instead of up in it’s normal style.
He would be here soon, hopefully.
"Deep breaths. He’ll come. He will.”
Is there a dress code?
A quick reply shot back, Alexandyr was home for a change and had just finished reassembling his apartment after leaving it a mess the last time he had been home, secretly hoping he would have come home to find that Sivall had decided to arrange it into a way she liked more than his Mandalorian emptiness.
He hadn’t heard the occasional chirp from his phone reminding him that he had a message over the sound of the orchestral music playing while he worked, and when he had he already noticed that hours had gone by and hoped he hadn’t missed her invitation.
She absolutely jumped at the datapad when it went off on it’s spot on the counter; half excited, half expecting the worst. The tense expression that had filled her features relaxed when she saw that the message was not a denial. A soft smile appeared on her lips
No dress code, just come as you are.
As I am is pretty naked, I'm sure you want me wearing some clothes?
He tried for humor, it usually failed him, but the others had too often sat on him for being dry or an outright boor. In truth, he sat in his boxers, trying to get a sense of how dressed up he needed to be for the only person he cared to be dressed up for. Anyone else in the Galaxy got him in one of three ways.
Armor, Collegiate Uniform. or Casuals. None of those felt right while spending time with her. But anything else felt too overdressed too.
The quasi-Mandalorian smirked as he looked at the keycard from the hotel he had met her at, perched on his nightstand, a keepsake from when he rushed out in a hurry after thinking he had propositioned her, it had been left in his pocket. He found himself some simple slacks and a button down shirt to toss on over his undershirt.
“You know, maybe I can try to look as nice for her as she looks to me?”
As I am is pretty naked.
Her cheeks flushed a deep indigo as she stared at the response from Alex. Memories of her cheek resting on the Human’s bare chest as she hugged him that night she had flown all the way to Estle flooded her mind. The smell of him, that smell that reminded her of leather-bound books and belonging, surfaced as well causing her flush to deepen and spread beyond the constraints of her face and into her neck. In those moments, she didn’t think about the closeness or intimacy of it all— but now she did.
With shaky fingers she replied with a laugh holomoji and a quick response.
My neighbors would probably prefer you wear clothes, vi’vuckust.
Her finger hesitated over the send button for a moment. Vi’vuckust, a slang amalgamation of ‘dear’ and ‘comfort’— a term of endearment that she learned around age fifteen and thought she would never use. Never in a million years. She nearly erased it, but a timer for the oven going off spooked her into sending it.
She stared at the screen for a moment and swallowed hard. Well. That happened. Hopefully Alex hadn’t been reading up on Cheunh. She took a deep breath and set the datapad down and turned the oven from cook to warm.
Alex was likely still at home and it would take him a moment to travel from Estle to Ol’Val. Which actually gave her a few moments to make last minute adjustments and light that lavender sage candle she had misplaced but found. Sure, the tidying up was purely out of nerves, but it helped.
What the neighbors want isn't the question, is it? He dared staring at the angry mauve lines from the social filter app Wulfram had installed on his dataslate.
He sent the message anyway.
He tapped on the last word of her message, unsure of what it meant, and a warm smile fluttered over his face as he read the common translation from Cheunh. As he stood from his roost he looked around and swiped his slate to another page to find transit. He wouldn’t pester the crew to take a warship or pull Arnistice out of drydock for his personal visit. Instead he’d travel civilian or clan shuttle, expedited but still less fanfare.
It'll be a few hours for the next shuttle.
She choked, physically choked, on the red wine she had dared to take a sip of to calm her nerves. The medic sputtered, placing her hand on her chest as she placed the datapad down to collect herself. Her face felt hot. Was it the wine? Surely it was the wine. What do you want? his message seemed to be asking. Kark— she didn’t even know.
Sivall cleared her throat, then looked at her datapad as another message from Alex came through. A few hours? Dear gods… what would she do for the next few hours while she waited?
I will wait as long as you need, Alex. Be safe, I’ll see you when you get here.
The Chiss settled onto her couch and put on one of her many acquired cheesy holoflics. This one was called “Attack of the Rabid Ewoks”. It said it was a horror movie, but was it really?
Shuttle rides were really the worst. At least with private vessels you had your own comfort and your own quarters. Passenger shuttles were, while not necessarily cramped, they were filled with too many people for Alexandyr to be comfortable. They reminded him of slave transport and he found himself itching to be away from people all too quickly as claustrophobia, or perhaps it was agoraphobia, set in. He tucked himself into as small of a ball as he could in his seat and waited for the trip to be over with, listening to the gentle prattle of the children across the aisle, his only sense of calming on the ride.
That and the knowledge of where he was going. Who he was going to see.
Once the vessel began to disembark he waited for the others to disembark before him, then slowly unfurled himself from his seat and gathered his carryon.
He would contact Wulfram to ask for a ride home after his visit.
One glass of wine and three stupid movies is what Sivall killed while she waited for Alex to show up, her bare feet tucked under her on the couch. The wine had thankfully calmed her nerves and given her some semblance of calm.
The Chiss stood up and moved back to the kitchen, pulling a sort of folded pastry from the top stove and sitting it on one of the counters.
She checked her datapad on the counter once more, noting the time and drawing her bottom lip between her teeth.
Alexandyr throught he had gotten lost, when he finally reached the right apartment. Tired and anxious hands checked the buttons of his shirt and slicked back his sweat-wetted hair. Along his journey leaving Selen he had come across a vendor selling fresh cut flowers, pulling those from the side of his luggage he fluffed the bottom of the bouqet to make them seem a little more vibrant, then knocked on her door.
Hopefully she hadn’t fallen asleep. She had probably fallen asleep. He was just wasting her time. He felt foolish hoping to actually do something nice for her.
A knock. A knock!
Siv’s head snapped towards the door at the sound, nerves building in her stomach once again. The Chiss reached out through the force, hoping hoping hoping…
She felt a familiar force signature on the other side of the door a broke into the biggest smile. He was here, she knew he would come!
Sivall walked to the door and opened it, and was graced by the only person she wanted to see standing outside her door this late at night. He looked tired and worn out but he was here.
She launched herself at him, hugging him tightly around his torso and resting her head in the spot where she could hear his heart.
“Vi’vuckust,” she breathed, relief clear in her voice, overjoyed just to have him here in her presence again.
Alex wrapped his arms tightly around her, shocked by her volley through the door. Her arms wrapped around him felt like home and her head pressed to his chest absolutely melted him, weakening his knees somewhat as he struggled to keep focus and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. Shaky arms wrapped around her, bringing the flowers in front of her face as he shoved his bag through the door with his foot.
“Cyare. I’m sorry I took so long. I’m never using public shuttles again.”
Lips against the crown of her head made her shutter, indigo tainting her cheeks. She tried to solidify the memory of that feeling, willing it to never fade. She reluctantly pulled herself from Alexandyr’s arms and took the flowers from him.
“Public transport is the worst. Next time ask me, I’ll come get you, Alex,” she grinned at him, taking a sniff of the bouquet, sanguine eyes catching his through raven lashes.
Sivall gestured him inside and moved to the kitchen herself to find a vase to hold the flowers. They would join the other flower centerpieces, but would stand out from them because they were now her favorite.
Alexandyr shuffled in and kicked off his shoes at the doorway, as was customary, before he walked straight ahead into the living room, sparing a glance to his left into the kitchenette. A smile crept over his face as he watched Sivall dig through her dishes for a vase, and he pushed his bag a little further in with his foot. Just clothes, a communicator, and his gun locked in its carrier. He felt safe enough coming to Sivall’s that he didn’t pack his Armor, something he knew his Clan-Brother…
Brother-in-Law… That was going to take some getting used to still. They were no longer just clanmates, but Wulfram had married Lillian. Everyone knew it was coming, but, it happened, so soon after their major trauma, and now he had another major change in his life.
Alexandyr felt honestly exhausted.
“You look lovely, by the way. Thank you for the invite, sorry I was so… Crass.”
“Crass?” she questioned, looking up from the center island where she was gently arranging the flowers into a circular glass bowl. She blinked a few times in confusion— she wouldn’t call anything out of Alex’s mouth crass, she had certainly heard worse.
“Nonsense, Alex. I want you to speak true. Always.”
She smiled warmly for him, hoping to reassure the man and drive her words home. She would always be his safe place— no judgements. Sivall then went back to fussing over the flowers and how they laid in the vase.
They were from Alex and therefore more precious than anything she owned, so she needed to make sure that the stems wouldn’t break.
“Take a seat if you need to,” she started, finally seeming happy with the placement of the flowers, “In the living room or at the table— whichever you wish.”
“Yeah, about being a little naked, when I… You know what, nevermind.” He said, blushing. Maybe he should have paid attention to the little helper script Wulfram forcefully installed on his dataslate.
He buried his face in his hands as he made his way across the threshold of the living room and looked at her couch, a smile played across his lips as he thought of the night at his apartment. When they had cuddled together and slept on his. As his hands fell, she likely would have seen the blush that played across his deeply tanned face and his ears as he remembered the thoughts that crossed his mind that whole night. The first time he’d thought about such things in a romantic setting, instead of a forceful setting.
“Yeah, uhm…” He choked as the memories settled in and his blush grew even hotter.
He needed something to distract him. Kitchen. Food. Terrible food on public transport.
“You know, I’m kinda peckish. The snacks on the shuttle were horrible, and I couldn’t really…” He stopped and his stomach lurched as the thought of the slave ship ran through him agin. “I couldn’t really get comfortable on the way here.”
Sivall stared, dazed for a moment as she watched a blush form on Alex’s face. Her heart fluttered in her chest at the sight, made only worse by the far away look in his eyes, like he was recalling something.
She resisted the urge to try and find out what he was recalling— she had learned her lesson with others, and she didn’t want cross that line with him.
Her own skin blushed as well. At least in till Alex moved to her and looked like he could vomit.
Her face was all worry then, her eyebrows pulled together so hard a small divot formed between them and her lips were downturned. She gripped the edge of the island only so that she could avoid making whatever it was he was feeling worse.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked gently, “We don’t have to, but the offer is there. Whatever helps.”
“It… Public transport, the last time I was stacked into a tub with that many people, where I wasn’t in armor and getting ready to fight? I was being sold, again. It was a repeating thing through my life. It’s why I had my own ship, but I didn’t want to be flashy, I didn’t want to show off, and I didn’t want to ruin your night. I’m sorry.” Alex whispered as he found himself sitting on the couch, face buried in his hands.
There it was. It reminded him of slaver’s ships, of being packed in like fish in a tin. The idea of Alex, alone and terrified, in a ship filled to the brim with other people made her so angry. That anyone could ever hurt this sweet man…
They were so alike, but so different. She had been a slave too, but he had gotten the real deal. The tiny Chiss was cursing mentally, at herself for asking him to come and at whatever higher power would listen.
It took her a second to will her fingers to remove themselves from their death grip on the island counter. Once they were free she was moving to Alex, trying her best to let the anger drain from her system.
He looked so pitiful. It broke her heart.
Sivall slowly sat beside Alexandyr and guided him so she could pull him into an embrace. The small Chiss adjusted them both on the couch so that she was leaning back against the couch, holding the Human close, his head on her chest.
“You could never ruin my night, ch'acah… Your presence alone makes even my worst days better…” she murmured, resting her cheek on top of his head. Slender blue fingers made their way through his hair hoping it would calm him. “I’m sorry I put you through those memories… never again.”
He leaned back into her and sighed. Yep. He’d tanked what was supposed to just be a nice night together because he couldn’t recompense for what he had escaped fifteen years ago. Tired eyes closed and he sighed as he turned himself into her chest, burying his face so she wouldn’t have to see the tears of embarassment.
Unlike his brother, or sister, he wasn’t the stoic. He was frustratingly loose with his emotions, and wore his heart on his sleeve. The qualities not of a warrior, but of a scholar.
“I’m sorry, cyare. You deserved a night of fun, and food, and me being drunk trying to do handstands. Not me moping because my dad was horrible bastard, who I never got to ask why, and let me get sold a dozen times as a child. Can we start this over? Can… Can we eat something?” He asked as his stomach growled loudly.
The medic let herself have a few selfish seconds of holding him, of feeling him close, before she reluctantly let go after a final squeeze.
“Absolutely,” she responded, “C’mon, I’ll get you set up at the island and you can tell me what you’d like to drink.”
Siv pushed herself up from the couch and moved back into the kitchen to make Alex’s plate while desperately needing another glass of wine.
She could still feel the pressure of his head on her chest even though it was no longer there. So the medic tried her best to distract herself from her thoughts and returning blush by plating three glazed slices of Coruscant game fowl with a healthy helping of veggies and some sort of parmesan pasta.
Feeling the warmth of her breast Alexandyr buried his face in his hands again as he tried to hide his blush. He wanted to remain, to hold her, to be held in a caring way by someone who wasn’t family or where money wasn’t part of the equation. He smiled as he took his hands away, realizing his emotions could be felt here, there was no need for Wulfram’s enforced stoicism, or his own insecurity, here he was with someone who genuinely cared about him.
“Do you have red wine? Something sweet, fruity? I know dries are supposed to go with fowl but I don’t like the straight alcohol taste.” He said, red faced as he approaches the island, his eyes on the bouquet he gave her.
“Mhm. I like sweeter wines, so I keep a bunch,” she admitted as she placed Alex’s dish on the island counter, then moved to grab two wine glasses and the already opened bottle of sunberry wine she had.
Once one glass was given to her guest, she made her own plate and sat on the second stool next to him. She took a healthy sip of her glass before leaning on one hand to look at Alexandyr.
“A lot has been going on for you, huh, vi’vuckust? Any new exciting places to regale me with this time?” She was trying her best to distract him, hoping to turn his thoughts towards the stars he loved so much.
“I… Uh…” He started, his blush growing as he stared at her.
“I haven’t been able to focus much on research or travel with the news at home. Wolsha and Lilli are getting… Got… Married.” His mind froze at the word as he looked at Siv and imagined her in a traditional wedding gown, not the simplistic vows ceremony his people performed.
“And now Wolsha is recruiting officers and doctors for the Dajorran Marshals and their Disaster Response Team. I just, I needed a break.”
The blush made her smile warmly, her own skin turning indigo once more. An expression just for her… for once she didn’t mind the burning of her skin, the prickling, as long as he kept staring at her like that. Like she was worth staring at. Worth his time. Worth the admiration.
Sanguine eyes grew wide at the news and she gasped, sitting up straight again. “Married?” her excitement for Alex’s family was clear in her tone, a wide smile finding its way to her lips, “Finally! I didn’t even know they were speaking again. It warms my heart to know things worked themselves out.”
She had seen Lillian precisely once after the events on Selen, haggard looking and tired, asking her if she had known anything about what happened. She didn’t swear, didn’t threaten, didn’t do any of the things she had come to know Lillian to do— and it had worried her.
“As for Wulfram’s new position… I’ve been… thinking about transferring. From Ol’Val to somewhere closer to Selen…” she mumbled, looking down at her glass as she swirled the contents, “I hate being so far from you.”
“You… You what?” The Mandalorian choked, snorting wine into his nose and holding his face as it burnt his sinuses.
“But you’ve gotten settled here and I’ve got so little. My apartment is just grey furniture and dust, plus the little accents you left me. And that throw blanket you left… My blanket.” He seemed shocked, almost panicked that she’d give so much just to be near him, then his mind drifted to the blanket being in his ruck because he couldn’t sleep without it now.
“Cyare…”
He had that look— the look he had gotten the first time she had shown up in his apartment, the look the first time he came home to her cooking for him. Panic. Slender blue hands hovered in the air, wanting to reach for him but not knowing if that was okay.
And then he called her that word again, cyare.
She wished Tor was with her and not on her shuttle so it could translate for her. The way he said it made her heart do flips in her chest.
“I-I’m sorry…” she responded after a second, not wanting to see him like this, hands still itching to reach out to him. She had learned that a lot of people didn’t like it when she touched them and she understood.
“I-I just… you make me happy… comfortable—“ wow she should have learned from the Kote Ky’ram that alcohol made her tongue loose, “—we don’t have to live in the same place, I might just get my old apartment back. But I want to be able to come to you when I want, I don’t like that it takes hours to see you when you’ve already been gone so long. I-I can’t….” She choked on her words and her hands formed tiny fists in her lap.
“I couldn’t commit to coming on the ship with you and your family… But it doesn’t mean that I don’t crave being near you,” she admitted quietly. She still had his T-shirt, it’s what she slept in.
Sanguine eyes looked up at him finally through raven lashes as she forced herself to ask the question boiling in her mind, “What does ‘cyare’ mean?”
“No, no. You are comfort to me. That blanket you left helps me sleep. I left you a key for access because I want, no, I need you in my life.” He only grew redder as he dropped his fork and leaned towards her, pulling her arms to him. “You have nothing to apologize for.*
He realized he’d been speaking in Mando'a infrequently and she never understood it. He had looked up her phrases because she often texted them to him, but he usually spoke more than texted.
"Cyare, beloved.”
Beloved. She was beloved? Her?
Her breath caught in her throat and the light flush that had covered her cheeks rapidly spread to the rest of her face, her neck, her collarbones, and beyond. She had let Alex pull her to him, having gone to putty at his words. Her eyes stung, but it was a good sting, good tears, happy tears– if not a little confused how this amazing sweet man could see her the same way she saw him.
She silently repeated the word over and over in her head. Cyare, cyare, cyare. Beloved. His beloved.
Slowly Sivall moved her hands to cup Alex’s face in her hands, slender fingers prickling at the heat from his face. An indigo bottom lip wobbled as she gained the strength to ask the question that could make or break everything in her life. Minnie’s words rang in her head– she had to try.
“I’m your beloved? Truly?” The words were a soft whisper, her sanguine hues staring up into his green ones.
A kiss. Something so simple many people shared them without ever thinking of them as anything more than a greeting or farewell, but for Alexandyr it was something intense. The few times he had shared them willingly through the years were more reminders that not everyone was out to use him, but this, this one was personal, desired, it felt like home, longing, and need.
He didn’t give her the time to finish ‘Truly’ before his lips came to hers and his fingers slid their way up her arms to the base of her neck.
A husky voice murmured to her as he broke the kiss for only a moment.
“Sorry to be forward, Cyare, but yes.”
The last time she had felt lips against hers wasn’t a fond memory– this replaced all of that. A small noise escaped her lips into the kiss as she instinctively pulled herself closer to Alex, wanting to bury herself into that smell of leather and ozone. Everything had stopped; her thoughts, her breathing, her heart. A perfect second.
It was gone too quickly. His lips were lifted off of hers to speak words and she wanted them back.
The want was so strong it suprised her. She didn’t even know she was capable of wanting those kinds of things after being used the way she had been used. But she did. Siv let out a shuttering breath, letting him speak those words that turned her heart to mush, like his words always did.
She pulled his face back to hers, capturing his lips for her own selfish wants again. A shutter passed through her frame as the part inside of her that was starved for that kind of touch screamed in joy. The huskiness in his tone at lit a fire in her– one she thought long extinguished.
Alexandyr’s hands wrapped around her shoulders and he held her close, but loose. He didn’t want to smother her in a kiss he placed so suddenly, but was so fiercely returned. His mind and heart spun at the fiery reaction from the young Chiss as she kissed him again and again in response and he tried to murmur more to her, but his words were lost even to him as he simply held her and matched her kisses.
Too soon, again, she broke the kiss only because her lungs were screaming for air. Black polish covered nails gently gripped at Alex’s stubble covered face as she kept close. Sanguine eyes fluttered open and stared up into the mandalorian’s emerald ones.
There was only one thing she wanted to say.
“I.. I love you, Alexandyr. I don’t know if I know what love is, or if I can feel it, but… I truly believe I do. I love you. You are my world, my comfort, my home. I thought I would never see you again after Coruscant but here you are…” she professed, one thumb gently brushing across her vi'vuckust’s cheek, “And I know I’ve messed up, messed up declining to join you, messed up by moving this this stupid rock. I’m so broken, ch'acah… I can’t promise I won’t mess up in the future too. But I’ll try.”
Alexandyr’s head spun and his breath caught. The taste of Sivall’s lips left on his, he savored it as he held to her and shuddered. When she pulled back from him, to speak her heart, Alexandyr grew dizzy.
She loved him? Her fierce kisses, the time she spent breaking into his apartment, the night they laid cuddled on his couch. He didn’t think to breathe, he just held her and listened to her speak, even as she began to doubt her decisions to move, he simply held her hand and squeezed gently before his world started to go dark.
“Sivall… I love you too.” He whispered in response.
Still lost in her kiss, he crashed from a lack of oxygen and landed in her lap.
Oh. Oh ktah.
Siv scrambled as Alex crumbled, all nearly 200 pounds of the man crashing into her lap. Her hands fumbled to grip at his shirt, swearing loudly under her breath as her grip began to give away. He was breathtaking, but gods was he karking heavy.
She was going to drop him.
The medic reached out with the force and concentrated, floating the Human off of her and carefully holding him midair. From there she quickly floated him around the corner, into her room, and gently placed him on the bed.
Pulse. Pulse, breathing, airway were checked in quick succession as tiny blue fingers trembled. He was okay, right? She was begging for him to be okay. Was it her? Had she done something? Was he sick? Her stomach flipped both from worry and hearing that her feelings were reciprocated. Reciprocated! He had said it back! Never in a million years had she expected him to say it back…
Sivall settled down on her knees next to Alex who was placed smack dab in the middle of her queen-sized mattress and watched, waiting for signs that he was getting better or worse, her hands gripping at her dress with the effort not to panic.
He’d be fine. He was breathing.
Time passed, minutes, hours, or the entirety of the night he wasn’t sure. His head pounded and his chest was tight as he began to sit, eyes focusing as he tried to figure out exactly where he was. An excited breath escaped him as he threw himself upright and stared around the room, gathering the blankets around himself in a bed much larger than that of the spartan bed he called his own in the small apartment back in Estle.
When he caught sight of Siv, his eyes teared up, it hadn’t been a dream. He passed out hearing those words from her.
“Oh gods, I ruined your dinner plans. I’m so sorry Cyare.”